Deadly Blessing
Posted by johnniecarter1967 on 16th March 2010
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IMDB rating: 5.00 Plot: A former Hittite (a member of an Amish-like sect) dies in a mysterious tractor “accident”, and his widow is left to face the frightening Hittites who view her as “the incubus” and may have sinister designs on her. |
Actors: East Jeff,Barr Douglas,Borgnine Ernest,Berryman Michael,Cooney Kevin,Dark Bobby,Farr Kevin,Fletcher Neil,Gulla Jonathon,Horror,Thriller,
What do you think of my Dark Fantasy?
Hi!
Those of you who know me, think of my as "Alchemy" or as a dream interpreter, but I’m also a writer!
Here’s a small excerpt from my novel, which I’m half-way through writing.
Let me know what you think of it, but try to be nice. 
Thank you!
NOTE: It’s rather gory.
——————–
"The Bloodman cometh, like a quiet yet deadly storm that sweeps through farmlands and valleys destroying all beneath its worth and power. His scythe purges the lands and great cities of all who are undeserving of life. The weak, the crippled, the cowardly, the sick, and the aged are the first to be culled from the citizens of the nations."
He smiled to himself, running the soft feathered shaft around the edge of his mouth. The smile was composed purely of evil; its lines were twisted into a sickle, made sharp by his chiseled features.
"The Bloodman cometh…" He repeated the line quietly then lightly tapped his quill into the ink well.
The dark bronze-red of the henna ink pleased him, it was so much like the color of dried blood.
In bold swooping letters, he continued his writing.
"Magic can not abide the stench of blood which chokes all goodness from the air, and so it shrinks away from all places touched by the Bloodman. Crops become dust, and water a harsh vapor as his power eats away at their pure magic. Truly, he is a demon at heart. Truly, he is Death incarnate. He is called Bloodlust."
The scribe redipped his quill in the unliving, undead, unblooded ink.
"He is called the Merciless. He is called….."
The smile grew broader and he savored the words; those damning words that sealed his fate, his heart, his soul, his power, and made it some hellfiend.
"He is called DEVIL HEART."
The words leapt from his page, spiraling sinuously, and wrapping themselves about him like a bloodied vine, then reabsorbing themselves into the scroll.
Something stirred in him at that moment, an insatiable desire that tore away any membrane of sanity and gnawed at him constantly. It called to him, "Feed me. Strengthen me. Obey me".
But all was quiet within the tomb-like walls of the library, only he heard its plea for blood and death.
He calmly rolled up his parchment and stood.
Movement caught his attention, a Council member.
He too, was new; fresh and innocent.
Whether or not he felt the blade rip through his abdomen, was of no concern to the Self Named One. The request changed before the blood finished pulsing from the artery.
"Cut out his heart."
Without thought or regret he sliced into the scribe, cracking the thick sternum, and cutting through the arteries that bound the organ into the chest cavity.
He lifted the still warm heart and looked it over, admiring the grey red muscle, and following the narrow blue veins with his eyes.
The voice spoke to him again, soft and caressing. "You have killed for me with the sword called Beowulf. I shall now bless this sword, and possess it. I am its familiar, and it is yours. Do for me one more task."
It let out a low gurgle of laughter, like the sound of blood pouring from a deep wound.
A wave of nausea surged through him, as his mind grasped what the request would be. His sense of honor and civility flooded back, and he reeled away from the demand that was brought before him.
He heard but did not hear the words that came to him from the oblivion.
"Eat it."
Thank you Mr. S! I’ll try my best to correct the errors you mentioned.
And thank you, Will! I was afraid people wouldn’t like my style.
Thank you, Hello!! -smiles- I liked your writing too.
Also, if any of you liked my writing, could you please send a link to our friends?? I really want to know what the public thinks of my style!! -smiles-
*your friends
-laughs- I type too fast…
Thank you, Lovely!
-smiles- This novel was originally aimed at teenagers…but I think it’s gotten to be a bit mature for some of them, though I realize many are drawn to dark writing.
Thanks again!
Thank you, Killer! -laughs-
Hahaha, I know, Nickname…I did that one purpose. It’s supposed to show his obsession. -smiles-
Thank you both for your comments!
Good grief, whoever gave you all thumbs-down??
Thank you for answering mine. =)
This is wonderfully written. You really know how to put together dark imagery without overdoing it. Your style of writing definitely seems like it’s for an older or more mature audience, but is very original and interesting — the first sentence is a great hook. I would be interested in reading more.
Good luck on the rest of your novel!
~MissW.~ | Oct 21, 2009
I like it. There are several grammatical errors that you can clean up when you finish your first draft. But other than that it’s cool. I’d like to read it.
Mr. Shpongadongle | Oct 21, 2009
wow….that got me thinking…i especially liked it when i thought the main character was going to be the scribe writing in his scroll, but really it was the two people that murdered him..i love it.
if i didn’t know better, i’d actually think a famous published writer wrote that or something. what i also liked was the fact that it was so easy to picture I’m my head. you should continue that narrative ~xxWillxx~ | Oct 21, 2009
i thought it was really good, it really made me want to read more
thanks for answering mine
Hello!! | Oct 21, 2009
wow..this is very good. you have very good details and everything! i love horor!
Killer tofu.? | Oct 21, 2009
Wow! Thats amazing! You are very talented!
One thing I did notice though. The word blood was repeated many times almost in every paragraph. Maybe you could substitute some other words or mix around the sentence so you didn’t use blood so much. But in all honesty that’s really not a big issue.
Great work!
I am using a nickname! | Oct 21, 2009
I liked it. Very original (:
Sarah~?v??s~Smiles
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Johnnie Carter